… from Andrew Lee, who, I’m so jealous to learn, studied Latin in high school:
“O Mea Culpa”! which is a melodramatic way of saying, “My bad.” I like saying this in an Italian accent because it makes me feel like a character from “The Godfather”–perhaps like one of the women who must quietly suffer–or hysterically sob–while all the men slaughter each other and use them as pawns. (incidentally I was very impressed by the quality of The Godfather I, though horrified at the carnage). I’ll bet Maria (I think that’s her name), the sister of Michael Corleone, wanted to say this when she learned that her phone call led to her brother’s death.
“Te amo” which means “I love you” in both Latin and Italian. I find this prettier than French’s “Je t’aime.”
Languages I wish I knew:
-Korean (because everyone at work and most of my students speak Korean, and because it’d make me more socially acceptable in such circles; also most people at my church are Korean)
-Italian
-Latin-because many English roots are derived from Latin and I’d be more skilled in the use of words if I knew it.
-French-I wish to learn it more. Perhaps I’ll live in France or Italy someday. I love how the French language sounds … If the English language is a practical shower using a Dial soap bar, the French language is like taking a sumputous strawberries and milk scented bubble bath. (Ok, if that’s not a pedantic attempt to show I can make metaphors, I don’t know what is.^^)
Can men and women be friends? That is, people you invest time in, apart from the incidental times you see each other at church or work-related gatherings.
Most of the older Christians whom I respect emphatically say “No.” Survey says: non-Christian men will only be friends with a girl if they want more than platonic relations with her. “Truly Christian” men will be friendly and cordial to girls at social gatherings, but will not try to hang out with her one-on-one. Overall, the consensus among older Christians is: when guys invest time and sacrifice for a girl, to develop a more intimate relationship, they always want to be more than friends.
I disagree, and this isn’t because I, as a girl, am able to spend platonic time with guys without feeling titillated at the reality of our anatomical differences. When I say “platonic,” I mean that romantic chemistry is so nonexistent that I wouldn’t be surprised if we turned out to be genetically related. Perhaps what they meant was that guys almost always want to be more than friends, an idea I can’t dispute. The main reason I disagree is because I have met such a guy who is only a friend, and I’m sure others like him exist.
One guy I know has said that in our culture, interactions which ought to be simple have been complicated. Though he didn’t say this, I started thinking: what if I had not grown up in American 20th century society, but in some remote village? I started wondering: how much of what we believe about gender is conditioned into our brains by our culture, and how much is actually truth?
For instance, the movie “When Harry Met Sally” posited that men and women can’t be friends. In general in movies, those who seem to be just friends inevitably end up having feelings for each other. But perhaps movies don’t reflect reality, but just cater to people’s longings for a romantic ending. How much success would a movie make if a guy and girl just remained friends throughout the whole thing?
I saw “When Harry met Sally” as a college freshmen, and ever since then I started being more suspicious of guys who are friendly toward me. But when I was younger, in high school and before, most guys fit into the broad category of “people who happen to be physically different.” Sure I had my crushes, but first and foremost, guys were just other people. After the movie, I started buying into the lie that it’s natural to see every guy as a romantic potential, and doing otherwise means you’re repressing your feelings. I started to classify guys according to the following:
-Donkey (no romantic potential, esp. as Donkey is only into feisty lady dragons who almost kill his friends)
-Shrek (initially no romantic potential, but could later morph into romantic potential).
-Prince Eric from the Little Mermaid, the almost 2-D ideal mate
Rather than seeing people of the opposite sex as 3-D humans, our culture, as evidenced by magazines and movies, promotes obsessively evaluating their value/romantic potential. I don’t think this is a healthy attitude to have.
But I know plenty of guys who might think their girl cousins are good-looking, but aren’t romantically attracted to them. So if all of us were transplanted to a remote village that is insulated from American cultural ideologies on gender, perhaps we would see non-attractive members of the opposite sex with the same level of romantic interest as relatives.
But this brings me to my next point: This rule enforced by many conservative Christians that guys and girls shouldn’t hang out one on one unless they are courting/dating with serious intent. As one person has said to me, “I don’t see why girls and guys would want to hang out with each other one-on-one unless they were romantically I don’t believe in casual dating.” I believe this person was sincere and perhaps this is true of individuals in the older generation.
But to expect others to adhere to that rule, with the assumption that if they don’t, their motives are impure, is legalistic. The key thing is that the person should be fully convinced of the purity of their motives, and is not ignoring the voice of God due to his/her desires for emotional intimacy. (And of course, if they’re hanging out all the time and calling each other constantly, that does not seem wise).
***
“Time to clean house”
It’s time to throw out all the junk that’s been cluttering my mind, time to detox myself from the emotional toxins I’ve let into my system.
It’s time to start obeying that initial, gentle, sweet voice that tells me to do something or not do something, rather than rationalizing my actions with my mind, justifying the actions of the flesh. Truly, the mind cannot comprehend the things of the spirit. The Spirit tells me one thing, and my mind simply cannot accept it. But no matter … the mind lags behind the Spirit, as Tozer has said, as a child lags behind his father.
I really have not shown much faith in God in the past. It has been so important to me to do the things which make sense to my intellect. I have sinned by trusting in my own understanding, rather than trusting in God and His character. I confess that I still have fear about where faith will take me. But it’s time to stop listening to the skeptical voices of others around me, time to start hearing His voice and being willing to take risks. I know He’s a good teacher. He won’t put me through a test that’s too great for me to pass. He’ll give me the smaller more manageable tests before the Mt. Moriahs.
I haven’t been putting God first for the past couple months. It’s time for that to change. I have to sever my attachments to everyone and everything in this life that is encumbering and entangling me, distracting me from fixing my eyes on Jesus, author and perfecter of my faith. How foolish I was to think I could dabble in the darkness, toy with fleshly entanglements, and not end up weak, tired, and disappointed. How foolish I was to count earthly things and relationships my treasure, instead of seeing eternal things as the true treasure worth pursuing.
There’s nothing noble or admirable whatsoever about being a Christian. The Christian who walks by faith knows that nothing s/he does is actually sacrifice for God. It may seem like a sacrifice from the limited perspective of this world, but in light of eternity, where we will be rewarded for our faithfulness with eternal closeness to God, how could we call anything in this life a sacrifice? A Christian simply has been enlightened by God as to what is good for him/her, what is most conducive to his/her happiness and well-being. And the answer to that is simple: to love God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself. Loving Him with all our hearts happens–not by coincidence, but by design of a loving God–to be mutually beneficial for ourselves.
“God cannot give us happiness outside Himself because it does not exist.”
I know God wants more areas of my life than I’ve been giving Him. And it’s such a shock, it’s so … flattering (?) and amazing to know that the God of the universe is jealous for my heart, my deepest affections. I have doubted, struggled to believe it, tried to give my heart to Him, strayed from God and sought to lavish my love and give my heart to others time and again … and here I am, back at the beginning, so to speak, and now … yes, now is the time. Now is the time to try again, to keep trying until my heart is totally and completely His. It may not be easy as it will require overcoming the flesh with Spirit. But I will place my hope in this: He who is in me is greater than he who is in the world.
For years, I realize, this has been the primary craving of my heart: to find someone who would be worthy of my love. I sought people to love and thought one person, then another, might be worthy, but none of them were worthy of the kind of love I wanted to give: worship and total surrender of my being to meeting his every whim. This is why I suffered from such unhappiness. I was only happy when I was in love and my heart was committed–either to a person, which resulted in a heady intoxicated happiness, which was also accompanied by insecurity–or with God, which was accompanied by greater peace, security, joy–a sense of stability and order in my life–and a passion that was not of flesh, but Spirit.
“Man is a worshiping creature,” wrote William Golding. I wanted someone who I could trust with my heart. Not only did I want to adore a person, but I wanted to be able to tell the person how much I adored him. I wanted to express it in a million different ways and in different languages even, to express the inexhaustible measure of my affection, the fact that he could do no wrong. Perhaps I am foolish to think I could love like that, but perhaps not, as His love has been shed abroad in my heart by the Holy Spirit (Rom.5).
I don’t know how this desire will be fulfilled in the future, whether God wants me to love Him or other people with this ferocious consuming jealous love. But I know the answer lies in Him.
Thank you, God … for being good to me even though I have not been good to you.
